Yes, I feel numb
so soon I'm going to succumb.
Yes, I'm full of dirt
& this will never convert.
Yes, I love my pain
whatever I try to feign.
Yes, I can certify
my body is going to mortify.
Yes, i'm suicidal
& this is my very ideal.
Why the hour doesn't come?I'm less worthy than the lonely flower
Bloomed early in the winter
But buried alive in the snow
Disappointed it's sower
Water freezes in leafs, & petals cower.
O surgeon take your hand off my heart
I have no more power
I'm saying goodbye
Like the sun in my horizon.
Like desert cut hope of empty clouds
I can't exhale the pain
Out off my chest
I'm just waiting my hour.
It is timeIf I committed suicide right now
& decided to disappear
Who would know or care?
I would get lost among thousands
Who commit suicide every day
Who would shed a tear?
I could be few words in the journal
In a corner beside the feuilleton
The words could not be even clear
Someone could mention me
In the internet & say
She well did by killing herself
She already was a sear
Nobody loved her or wanted her
She was always stepped aside
Or thrown away to the rear.
It is time to say enough
It is time to tighten the noose
& get rid of this disgraceful fear.
Mother earth hug me, I'm jumpingEverything has reached to the top
I thing it's the time
It will be exciting to taste the drop
Wait a minute & tell me
What is my crop?
Have I gain anything
Except this eternal flop?
What would I miss?
Eating the crap sop?
Or wearing my dirty slop?
What would I miss?
Betrayal? cheating? loneliness?
All this shit must stop
& off this edge it's time
To make my final hop
Do you hear the same voice?I wonder
Does anyone hear the same appeal
It says: It's time to reveal
It encourages me
To lock myself in the bath
Take a razor & sketch my path
It emboldens to take a rope
To block the veins till I dope
It heartens me to drown in bathtub
& stop looking through a tube
I'm just consuming others oxygen
This is not accepted by any religion
I'm just a wet blanket
So shooting my heart shall fix it
Divorce me for herGo a head, it's very warm
Enjoy between your whore's arms
One day she will cheat you
Just like you have cheated
You will feel how I was beated
Don't look for my love anymore
Seek it with your whore
I removed your love off my heart
Cause you were a rotten wart
I replaced your love
With my loyal dagger
My heart is welcoming it
It's not a dodger
I will lay on my chest
& fix the dagger beneath
Letting my chest be its sheath
The end of the whorePeople call me any dirty name
I understand, only myself blame.
They always call me freak
I know because I look bleak.
They point to me:
(That woman is very bad)
who cares if I'm sad.
People call me piece of shit
& they directly to my face spit.
They call me witch, bitch, & whore
They deeply in my heart gore.
They really love seeing me gone
I will obey & use my gun
TONIGHT, the mission will be done.
Dressed to kill*TOOOOT.. TOOOOT .. TOOOOTT*
The timer rang
telling me it's 1 am.
But I already couldn't sleep
I wore my black satin nighty
put on my make up
& loaded my gun.
I signed in skype
to say goodbye to my friend.
He doesn't know my plan
so he said:
"WOW! you dressed to kill"
"EXACTLY!" I replied.
Then I went to the bathroom
& locked myself ..
*silence .. *
The liesThis world is full of lies;
don't lose your hopes
no, I don't have any hope to lose it
no, I'm weak & I love my weakness
it will get better soon
no, it's not getting better
actually it's getting worse
suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
no, it's not a temporary problem
actually I want a permanent solution
you can't live with this
but I say:
who said I want to live?
You are someone's reason to liveShe had skin like a cactus-
could only hurt
anyone who got
she held what
Stripping MeYou may take what you want from me,
Be it my pride or dignity.
You may throw insults at me,
And burn the shredded pieces of my sanity.
You may belittle me, as much as you want,
If only to make your meager life worth living.
But even if you do all that...
No one will protect you when I pull you into the dark.
No one will try to search for you, as my leather ropes tie you down.
No one will hear your screams as metallic screws drive into your face,
Etching an eternal smile, since you'll never leave this place...
"Now then, my dear sweet James, shall we play our favourite game?"
I'd Rather Be DeadYou're always asking me if I had anything worth dying for.
I'll pose the opposite to you and ask you this:
"What is it that you find life to be worth living?"
Is it so interesting to go through each day feeling anxious?
To the point that you feel nauseated enough to collapse.
Is it so joyous to spend each night staring at a blank ceiling,
Hearing the clock tick on toward morning,
And yet you lie awake.
Tired, but awake, emotionless, but awake...
Do you truly get up each day, facing it with optimism.
Or do you look at the news and the state of the world,
And genuinely fear for your safety?
Now, if you were me that you had asked my dear,
I'd tell you quite honestly: That I'd rather be dead.
At least I would not have to hear the white lie inside my head.
That tomorrow will bring me a 'better' day...
But of course, you are welcome to believe that.
it is dark, unfamiliar,
but your fingers seek out his,
and you know then
that you are at home
in his harmony
even if just
he's incendiary, sure.
a veritable (volatile)
molotov cocktail of
watch as he emerges,
ashen-limbed from a cocoon of you
to entwine with the threads
that hold you sane.
want nothing more than
to hiss and steam;
than to cool
in your stillness
redolent of broken-record risk-
taking chances until
there's nothing left
but scratches and
glitches in the wordwork
i mean woodwork,
i mean, skin.
but oh god, he loves you
just like this,
this is a choice:
you may destroy him,
extinguish his flames
and half-bury him in
the ashy remnants
of his own conflagration
but it's an impotent power
that is granted,
i'd haunt you if you'd like.my hands are paralyzed and you're waiting for me to touch your face,
but that doesn't really matter because i'd rather touch your soul
and if you close your eyes long enough i'll read you poetry as we lay atop the monkeybars
in this old and rusted park
you can pretend to know the constellations and point them out to me and i'll tell you they're all beautiful, but nothing compared to you
if i'm lucky you'll blush and laugh at me,
tell me i say the dumbest things but deep down it'll register in your soul just how much i love you
and i know they say you can only save yourself, but darling i swear if you'll just have the slightest bit of faith i'll save the fuck out of you or i'll destroy myself trying,
because i honestly can't think of any other purpose for my life
or what smidge of it i've been able to hold on to.