Yes, I feel numb
so soon I'm going to succumb.
Yes, I'm full of dirt
& this will never convert.
Yes, I love my pain
whatever I try to feign.
Yes, I can certify
my body is going to mortify.
Yes, i'm suicidal
& this is my very ideal.
My Empty Heart"Fuck yourself bitch" you said
& That is the trigger
Which urges me to press the trigger
I was wrong
I thought you still have some love
Some kindness some passion
Some respect to memories
Memories used to be better
But I was wrong
You have turned my memories bitter
I'm looking at the gun barrel
Looking for the exit
Cursing the day we met in twitter
I'm staring at the shining bullets
They are cold
Comparing with your cold heart they are better
They'll take your place in my heart
Oh my heart
Already nothing remained just litter
Why the hour doesn't come?I'm less worthy than the lonely flower
Bloomed early in the winter
But buried alive in the snow
Disappointed it's sower
Water freezes in leafs, & petals cower.
O surgeon take your hand off my heart
I have no more power
I'm saying goodbye
Like the sun in my horizon.
Like desert cut hope of empty clouds
I can't exhale the pain
Out off my chest
I'm just waiting my hour.
It is timeIf I committed suicide right now
& decided to disappear
Who would know or care?
I would get lost among thousands
Who commit suicide every day
Who would shed a tear?
I could be few words in the journal
In a corner beside the feuilleton
The words could not be even clear
Someone could mention me
In the internet & say
She well did by killing herself
She already was a sear
Nobody loved her or wanted her
She was always stepped aside
Or thrown away to the rear.
It is time to say enough
It is time to tighten the noose
& get rid of this disgraceful fear.
Mother earth hug me, I'm jumpingEverything has reached to the top
I thing it's the time
It will be exciting to taste the drop
Wait a minute & tell me
What is my crop?
Have I gain anything
Except this eternal flop?
What would I miss?
Eating the crap sop?
Or wearing my dirty slop?
What would I miss?
Betrayal? cheating? loneliness?
All this shit must stop
& off this edge it's time
To make my final hop
Do you hear the same voice?I wonder
Does anyone hear the same appeal
It says: It's time to reveal
It encourages me
To lock myself in the bath
Take a razor & sketch my path
It emboldens to take a rope
To block the veins till I dope
It heartens me to drown in bathtub
& stop looking through a tube
I'm just consuming others oxygen
This is not accepted by any religion
I'm just a wet blanket
So shooting my heart shall fix it
Divorce me for herGo a head, it's very warm
Enjoy between your whore's arms
One day she will cheat you
Just like you have cheated
You will feel how I was beated
Don't look for my love anymore
Seek it with your whore
I removed your love off my heart
Cause you were a rotten wart
I replaced your love
With my loyal dagger
My heart is welcoming it
It's not a dodger
I will lay on my chest
& fix the dagger beneath
Letting my chest be its sheath
The end of the whorePeople call me any dirty name
I understand, only myself blame.
They always call me freak
I know because I look bleak.
They point to me:
(That woman is very bad)
who cares if I'm sad.
People call me piece of shit
& they directly to my face spit.
They call me witch, bitch, & whore
They deeply in my heart gore.
They really love seeing me gone
I will obey & use my gun
TONIGHT, the mission will be done.
Dressed to kill*TOOOOT.. TOOOOT .. TOOOOTT*
The timer rang
telling me it's 1 am.
But I already couldn't sleep
I wore my black satin nighty
put on my make up
& loaded my gun.
I signed in skype
to say goodbye to my friend.
He doesn't know my plan
so he said:
"WOW! you dressed to kill"
"EXACTLY!" I replied.
Then I went to the bathroom
& locked myself ..
*silence .. *
School, Tests, and All The RestI'm not smart enough for this.
I have no answer for this question.
The more I search my brain,
The more I feel inadequate.
I cannot fathom the correct answer.
Didn't I study this for hours?
Why is your intellect based
On such trivial things?
Apparently, I am not as smart as I thought.
Why don't I know what to write?
This test is a nightmare.
Why can't I get this right?
The only thing about me I was proud of
Has now vanished
Because my textbook knowledge
Wasn't up to par.
Letters to all the people I have kissedi. Rob
I expected a knight in shining armour but you were
just a boy, just a boy.
you flirted and you teased and you kissed me
at midnight on new year’s eve and set the tone
for that whole god-forsaken year.
I could taste lies on your tongue and doubt in your fingers;
you said you were a taurus but you were gemini all over.
friends shouldn’t kiss in the kitchen and
friends shouldn’t drink gin together and
friends shouldn’t cry, drunk on misery, and
friends shouldn’t break another friend’s heart and
I’m still sorry.
I expected just a boy but you were
a knight in shining armour, silver to the pretty
ivory teeth, who was looking for a damsel and found
only don quixote, tilting at windmills and refusing
to be saved.
we were drunk and you were more beautiful
under the harsh car park lights than I had noticed before
and you were mid-sentence and I was mid-hiccup and
we still laugh about it now.
I was imperfect.
I was the lie.
I was not honest.
For I am sorrow.
I'm not worth it.
There's no tomorrow.
Why didn't anyone listen?
Why didn't anyone see?
I am just a mirror
of what's to be!
I am empty.
I am gone!
I am nothingness.
I'm a fraud!
So please forgive me...
because I'm needy...
and you don't need me:
you need no one.
.my head has become a
teeming with ugly whispers and most days
i just want to get drunk
it's too much:
sitting in a history class where
the teacher just drones on
like a broken record about how in sixty years
we'll all be suffocating on the exhaust fumes
of our parents' sins.
driving on a clustered highway
in an empty car with half a tank of
gas getting passed by people too
occupied to live their lives.
contemplating a black hole pompous
enough to call itself the
future as an insatiable
debt worms its way into
the valleys and canyons of
my skin and bones.
give me a scalpel and
open up my skull.
exterminate these savage vermin
from my mind before
my veins turn black from their
toxic desires and my heart stops
beating the moment i close my eyes.
Just SmileJust Smile
The rush of the wind, right beneath your feet.
It's knocked you down, on the left of the street.
People will laugh, people will mock, and people will scorn
Sometimes, like me, you wish you've never been born.
But like my dearest friends taught me, just smile
Smile during the good times and try your darn hardest when dealing with the bad.
This world is bleak, it has a lot to frown over, so just look life in the face and grin.
Tell it, “no matter how bad you treat me. I'm not going to let you win!”
Keep moving my guy, gal, no matter what you look like or how you sound.
There's one thing hatred can't take away from from this earth,
and that's the fact that frowning is more strenuous on the face.
So make your life, and your body feel much better by
on salting the field and winning the warthe phone rings again; pick it up.
today, the boss asked her when you're
coming back to work. she says she doesn't know
when the last time you got out of your house was.
you're not sure either. not all pain is fleeting.
not all pain is bright and hot. sometimes, it's
through the phone, she talks like the sun filtering through
newborn leaves. she is miles and miles away from
the hurricane that is battering your shoreline.
she wants to know when you'll be able to look her in
the eye again. 'the boss is thinking of giving away your job,'
she says. 'when will you be over this?'
you don't know what you should tell her.
'did you know,' you start, 'that years after
the Mexico City earthquake in 1985, citizens
walked around thinking they still felt aftershocks
in the soles of their feet?' break off
halfway through another word. stop. start again,
voice shaking. 'did you know that more soldiers in the iraq war
have died by their own hand than by that of an enemy's?'
voice shaking, h
Dear MeDear me, I know we've had disagreements
And that we don't always see eye to eye,
But the last thing I want for you
Is to feel like you have to say goodbye.
Dear me, I know you've been hurting a while
And I know that you're sick of the misery,
But just keep holding on a day at a time
And someday you'll find yourself set free.
Dear me, I know you've been crying.
I've seen your demons give chase.
Smile instead for things will get better.
Wipe those tears off your pretty face.
Dear me, I know your heart is breaking,
Like your being is shattered in two,
But please, don't give up just yet.
The survival rate is too few.
Dear me, I see that you're struggling,
That you feel like you're on the brink.
But keep pushing forward, keep fighting.
You're much stronger than you think.
Dear me, I feel so proud of you.
You've made it out alive.
You're happy now with all you've gained.
You've reached all for which you did strive.
Friendship DeterminedShe felt the pain of a thousand deaths.
Things would never again be the same.
Alone, bereft - with no one to stop her hurt -
Yielding to the need to curl in on herself,
Wallowing in pain, she crumbled.
Internal bleeding that could never be healed
Tore her soul into a million pieces.
Heart aching and refusing to beat,
Maddening agony crippling her mind,
Encompassing her whole being.
Abandoned was how he found her then.
Lacing his arms around her fragile form,
Wrapping her in the blanket of his love.
Acknowledging her need to purge the pain within,
Years of false truths finally coming to light,
Shushing her wails, he held her tightly.
Empty ShellI didn’t think much of it when I was little.
I didn’t notice all of the bottles
That littered the counter tops and the coffee tables.
I didn’t notice how you were always so unstable.
I didn’t think it odd for a moment
Because the whole time I’ve been around you’ve been broken.
I haven’t seen you actually happy
And it kills me.
I haven’t smelt your breath without a hint of liquor
Hiding behind it.
You’ve always walked around with a heavier shadow
The darkness sticks to you
It slowly made its way from your shoes
To your insides and ate away at them until you were left hollow.
A hollow shell.
Somewhere on the climb up the mountain you fell.
You broke all of your bones
And couldn’t make it back home.
You never saw what it was like to see from the top of that mountain.
To see that things get better,
So you never
The things that I never paid attention to when I was small
That I can see now.
And I feel so horrible