Yes, I feel numb
so soon I'm going to succumb.
Yes, I'm full of dirt
& this will never convert.
Yes, I love my pain
whatever I try to feign.
Yes, I can certify
my body is going to mortify.
Yes, i'm suicidal
& this is my very ideal.
My Empty Heart"Fuck yourself bitch" you said
& That is the trigger
Which urges me to press the trigger
I was wrong
I thought you still have some love
Some kindness some passion
Some respect to memories
Memories used to be better
But I was wrong
You have turned my memories bitter
I'm looking at the gun barrel
Looking for the exit
Cursing the day we met in twitter
I'm staring at the shining bullets
They are cold
Comparing with your cold heart they are better
They'll take your place in my heart
Oh my heart
Already nothing remained just litter
Why the hour doesn't come?I'm less worthy than the lonely flower
Bloomed early in the winter
But buried alive in the snow
Disappointed it's sower
Water freezes in leafs, & petals cower.
O surgeon take your hand off my heart
I have no more power
I'm saying goodbye
Like the sun in my horizon.
Like desert cut hope of empty clouds
I can't exhale the pain
Out off my chest
I'm just waiting my hour.
It is timeIf I committed suicide right now
& decided to disappear
Who would know or care?
I would get lost among thousands
Who commit suicide every day
Who would shed a tear?
I could be few words in the journal
In a corner beside the feuilleton
The words could not be even clear
Someone could mention me
In the internet & say
She well did by killing herself
She already was a sear
Nobody loved her or wanted her
She was always stepped aside
Or thrown away to the rear.
It is time to say enough
It is time to tighten the noose
& get rid of this disgraceful fear.
Mother earth hug me, I'm jumpingEverything has reached to the top
I thing it's the time
It will be exciting to taste the drop
Wait a minute & tell me
What is my crop?
Have I gain anything
Except this eternal flop?
What would I miss?
Eating the crap sop?
Or wearing my dirty slop?
What would I miss?
Betrayal? cheating? loneliness?
All this shit must stop
& off this edge it's time
To make my final hop
Do you hear the same voice?I wonder
Does anyone hear the same appeal
It says: It's time to reveal
It encourages me
To lock myself in the bath
Take a razor & sketch my path
It emboldens to take a rope
To block the veins till I dope
It heartens me to drown in bathtub
& stop looking through a tube
I'm just consuming others oxygen
This is not accepted by any religion
I'm just a wet blanket
So shooting my heart shall fix it
Divorce me for herGo a head, it's very warm
Enjoy between your whore's arms
One day she will cheat you
Just like you have cheated
You will feel how I was beated
Don't look for my love anymore
Seek it with your whore
I removed your love off my heart
Cause you were a rotten wart
I replaced your love
With my loyal dagger
My heart is welcoming it
It's not a dodger
I will lay on my chest
& fix the dagger beneath
Letting my chest be its sheath
The end of the whorePeople call me any dirty name
I understand, only myself blame.
They always call me freak
I know because I look bleak.
They point to me:
(That woman is very bad)
who cares if I'm sad.
People call me piece of shit
& they directly to my face spit.
They call me witch, bitch, & whore
They deeply in my heart gore.
They really love seeing me gone
I will obey & use my gun
TONIGHT, the mission will be done.
Dressed to kill*TOOOOT.. TOOOOT .. TOOOOTT*
The timer rang
telling me it's 1 am.
But I already couldn't sleep
I wore my black satin nighty
put on my make up
& loaded my gun.
I signed in skype
to say goodbye to my friend.
He doesn't know my plan
so he said:
"WOW! you dressed to kill"
"EXACTLY!" I replied.
Then I went to the bathroom
& locked myself ..
*silence .. *
The Girl Who Was Afraid To BeShe speaks to me fondly
of passions and talents,
of guitars and stars,
with such breathless intensity
then stops short and
for speaking at all.
All because somewhere in her life,
someone she loved broke her heart
her beautiful words
and telling her to
keep it down,
People aren’t born sad.
We make them that way.
How To Fit InHow to Fit In
Let’s start off with your appearance.
Because you need a disguise to hide
Inside of a crowd.
Strip yourself of all of the clothing you use to express yourself.
So you can get lost,
And never be found.
Fix your hair,
Cake on some make up
Because in a crowd.
Looks will always speak louder than words.
People don’t want to hear what you have to say,
They just want to see a pretty face.
Fix your eyes that are too big.
You have too many ideas.
They rage around inside your head,
Like birds trying to escape a cage.
But never write those ideas down on a page.
Is a sin.
When you’re trying to fit in.
Just let them fly away.
Never to be seen again.
Now that you’re vapid,
Dull as a rock.
Not an original thought to be seen.
Yes, you’ve achieved
But was it actually worth it?
Trading in everything that makes you so spectacular.
To fit in with the rest of the main stream crowd.
Stop trying to
It Was Never You...It really wasn't...
And I know that I can twist this truth as much as I want...
Whenever I'm sober, when I know I can put up that fake plastic smile;
Just a few formal words that burn like acid from a liar's lips!
"Differences in personality, a divergence in ideals..."
Please, fucking, SPARE ME!
Because when I look in this mirror, I know.
When I see myself looking back at me, I know.
Right here, right in front of my own blackened self;
Those eyes that both reflect and stare into my dingy soul.
I was the problem.
I was the instigator.
I was the perpetrator.
And when I had broken every last bit of her,
I was the one, who let it all fall to pieces.
So please, you don't have to feel sorry for me,
I am a bastard and I've got a very special place in hell waiting for me...
- Word of Chen, Darkest Hour, 16th February 2015
That's So Gay"That's so gay,"
Is what you say,
You've pushed one
Of your friends away.
"Oh no, honey,
Boys don't play
With Barbie dolls."
By enforcing gender roles,
You are killing
And telling them
That you'll love them no matter what*
Don't push your loved ones
With things you do or say,
Because words hurt;
But they hurt most
From the mouths of
The people that told you,
They'd always love you.
Saying, "that's so gay",
Or making them behave
In a gendered way,
Is telling them
That it's not okay
To be something
They can't help.
(And even if they could,
And it will hurt them
And every time you're together,
They'll be wondering;
"Am I wrong?"
"Do I really belong?"
Every time you say something like,
"That's so gay",
You burn someone's trust away.
And you can't build anything back
A Letter To The Girl Who Hates Her BodyA letter to the girl who hates her body.
A letter to that girl
Who scrolls through tumblr.
Admiring all of those models.
With thigh gaps that look cute with skirts.
And a waist that you can barely see.
A letter to the girl
Who looks at models,
For their curves.
The way their hips go outwards
And their size D cup breasts.
Please don't look in the mirror,
And hate the girl you see.
That girl is you
And she should be loved unconditionally.
Because you deserve love.
And how much love is not determined on your waist size,
Whether you're chubby or skinny
You're still so very pretty.
You're so perfect.
So for every time you look in that mirror.
And tell yourself you aren't worth it.
That you're arms are too big,
Your hips aren't big enough.
I am a woman.
I am strong.
I have a body like a castle.
A kingdom made just for me.
And I will not destroy that castle,
By trying to starve myself.
By taking brick by brick and dismantling it
Soldier BoyOne day he came home,
A man given freedom.
He looked in the mirror,
And liked what he saw...
The days wore on,
And he lived his life.
Morning PT was a distant memory,
So too were the shouts of a Sergeant.
Training came thrice at first,
Then twice, then once,
The days wore on...
And life became harder,
Sacrifices were made.
He looked in the mirror one day,
And didn't like what he saw.
Not the pot-bellied man working for a few scraps.
Nor the slovenly fellow who'd forgotten how to clean his kit.
He earned his freedom, but he had lost what he respected...
And the days wore on...
And so he went out running, one fateful day,
His lungs burning with every breath.
Yet despite the pain inside his chest,
He resolved the soldier, would return to his best.
"You've been gone a long time Corporal Chen, what say we go once more around
-Word of Chen, One-shot, 24 February
You are StrongYou are so, so strong.
Whatever you’re going through,
Just keep on
The time it takes
Might be short or long,
But you will find
That perfect place
Where you belong.
Just hold on.
How To Not Be Hated By Society: A Foolproof Guide1. Don't be anything but white.
When you're black, people will hate you,
because you look ghetto, and uneducated.
But when you're white, people will hate you,
because you look racist, and stuck up, and unapproachable.
And when you're anything in between, people will hate you,
because you're different, but not different enough, and there's no one to stand up for you.
So actually, don't have skin.
2. Let other people decide who you spend the rest of your life with.
When you're gay, people will hate you,
because it's unnatural. You should have control over your mindset, and so should total strangers.
When you're transgender, people will hate you,
because you challenge their religion and deities don't make mistakes, so obviously you did.
Do I even have to explain this? It obviously shouldn't be your own decision who you fall in love with.
Your emotional compatibility and well being doesn't matter at all.
You'd clearly ge