Sweetcidal

"Fuck yourself bitch" you said & That is the trigger Which urges me to press the trigger I was wrong I thought you still have some love Some kindness some passion Some respect to memories Memories used to be better But I was wrong You have turned my memories bitter I'm looking at the gun barrel Looking for the exit Cursing the day we met in twitter I'm staring at the shining bullets They are cold Comparing with your cold heart they are better They'll take your place in my heart Oh my heart Already nothing remained just litter

I'm less worthy than the lonely flower Bloomed early in the winter But buried alive in the snow Disappointed it's sower Water freezes in leafs, & petals cower. O surgeon take your hand off my heart I have no more power I'm saying goodbye Like the sun in my horizon. Like desert cut hope of empty clouds I can't exhale the pain Out off my chest I'm just waiting my hour.

If I committed suicide right now & decided to disappear Who would know or care? I would get lost among thousands Who commit suicide every day Who would shed a tear? I could be few words in the journal In a corner beside the feuilleton The words could not be even clear Someone could mention me In the internet & say She well did by killing herself She already was a sear Nobody loved her or wanted her She was always stepped aside Or thrown away to the rear. It is time to say enough It is time to tighten the noose & get rid of this disgraceful fear.

Don't worry I didn't buy the gun to use it on you Death is a gift & you don't deserve it.

Everything has reached to the top I thing it's the time It will be exciting to taste the drop Wait a minute & tell me What is my crop? Have I gain anything Except this eternal flop? What would I miss? Eating the crap sop? Or wearing my dirty slop? What would I miss? Betrayal? cheating? loneliness? All this shit must stop & off this edge it's time To make my final hop

I wonder Does anyone hear the same appeal It says: It's time to reveal It encourages me To lock myself in the bath Take a razor & sketch my path It emboldens to take a rope To block the veins till I dope It heartens me to drown in bathtub & stop looking through a tube I'm just consuming others oxygen This is not accepted by any religion I'm just a wet blanket So shooting my heart shall fix it

Go a head, it's very warm Enjoy between your whore's arms One day she will cheat you Just like you have cheated You will feel how I was beated Don't look for my love anymore Seek it with your whore I removed your love off my heart Cause you were a rotten wart I replaced your love With my loyal dagger My heart is welcoming it It's not a dodger I will lay on my chest & fix the dagger beneath Letting my chest be its sheath

People call me any dirty name I understand, only myself blame. They always call me freak I know because I look bleak. They point to me: (That woman is very bad) who cares if I'm sad. People call me piece of shit & they directly to my face spit. They call me witch, bitch, & whore They deeply in my heart gore. They really love seeing me gone I will obey & use my gun TONIGHT, the mission will be done.

*TOOOOT.. TOOOOT .. TOOOOTT* The timer rang telling me it's 1 am. But I already couldn't sleep I wore my black satin nighty put on my make up & loaded my gun. I signed in skype to say goodbye to my friend. He doesn't know my plan so he said: "WOW! you dressed to kill" "EXACTLY!" I replied. Then I went to the bathroom & locked myself .. *BANG!!!!!* *silence .. *

Yes, I feel numb so soon I'm going to succumb. Yes, I'm full of dirt & this will never convert. Yes, I love my pain whatever I try to feign. Yes, I can certify my body is going to mortify. Yes, i'm suicidal & this is my very ideal.

Life is so fragile It could be over in a second Just one step It would be so easy To make that leap Take those pills Make that cut Pull that trigger Just because I don't want to be here anymore I'm tired Tired of being hurt Of being used Abused Beaten Cut down yelled at Blamed I'm tired of living I'm sick of making excuses When there is no reason for me to be here No one wants me here No one cares It would be so easy To just stop living Life is so fragile It's too hard to live In this world of hate So I'm going to take my life in my own hands End it on my terms Life is so fragile When you don't want to be alive anymore

I look down I can't see the bottom So I smile Before I jump

I watched as he walked over a flower Crushing the delicate petals beneath his foot He didn't even notice He didn't see the beauty Only walked over it as if he didn't care He ruined its beauty How long before he crushes me?

Blood And pain Heavy breaths Racing hearts A dead body Left to rot

Fighting to wake up every day, Ending each day the same way, I'm broken no power to fix what's broken, My heart is spread wide open, I'm darkened by a past forgotten, A happier place in time, Where my smile was mine, Where I felt love, I feel nothing just an empty shell of who I used to be, I keep my chin held high so nobody can see, That I'm slowly dying inside, A senseless tragedy, I have nothing left to give, I try my hardest to live, I'm losing this fight with myself, Just thrown me on a shelf, Forget me I'm a great person with a fucked up psyche, I try my best to keep every happy forgetting me, I'm on a never ending self-loathing spree,

Being reckless can be fun Taking the extra drink Fooling around with that guy you just met Smoking another cigarette Taking those drugs you were given Being reckless just to forget the pain Forget who you are To feel wanted To feel alive To feel happy Being reckless can be dangerous Having one too many drinks Ending up in bed with a random guy Smoking your way to cancer Having too many drugs Being reckless is what I do It makes me feel alive For a couple hours I can forget the pain Until I wake up Reckless is my middle name It's all fun and games Right?